Valuable comments

• I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton-
• You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong-
• I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner-
• My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner-
• I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -WendyLeibman-
• Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma Bombeck-
• If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton-
• I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr-
• I think-therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead-
• When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler-
• Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-
• I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -Gilda Radner-
• In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-
• I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinhem-
• Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. -Gloria Steinhem-
• I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli-
• Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. -Baroness Edith Summerskill-
• If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck. -Linda Ellerbee-
• I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-

• Lewinsky Virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.
• Ronald Reagan Virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
• Mike Tyson Virus: Quits after two bytes.
• Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to 200 MB.
• Dr. Jack Kevorkian Virus: Deletes all old files.
• Ellen Degeneres Virus: Disks can no longer be inserted
• Titanic Virus (A Strain Of The Lewinsky Virus): Your whole computer goes down.
• Disney Virus: Everything in your computer goes Goofy.
• Prozac Virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
• Joey Buttafuoco Virus: Only attacks minor files.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates some of ze files, leaves, but it vill be baaack.
• Lorena Bobbit Virus: Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy then discards it through Windows.
• Viagra Virus: Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
• Clinton Virus: Gives you a 7" hard drive with no memory.